Today is my birthday.
Birthdays with having Michael Shroyer in my life were nothing short of too… much… “happy!” Truly! From his meticulously planned, extravagant mall scavenger hunts to the year of the 33-everythings. From the time-challenged, elaborate reality show venture to the evening with friends packed full of themed all-to-my-liking art activities and word projects… I mean. The years were special.
Always.
It’s funny that this music release has timed out to perfectly land during this exact week — this was totally unintentional on all of our parts! I’m not that forward-scheduling or organized! In fact, it feels to me much like another elaborate “Happy Birthday Surprise” that Mike would have had up his sleeve for me.
Last year I was on the phone filling my brother in on what was happening to Mike’s body, telling him of our fears and frustrations, of struggling to be seen and heard by the doctors who would believe us – who would want to get us off of this train-wreck Mike was traveling. In hearing my fears, Jeff lightened the mood: “Ami, this all just seems so unreal. In fact, I know exactly what this is: this is Mike’s most complex and extensive birthday surprise for you yet! He’s actually pretending all of this, and he has an entire hospital in on it! Any minute now, someone is going to jump out from behind a door, surprise you with just the right gift, and send you off on the trip that Mike planned for your romantic getaway!”
THAT was a much more enjoyable thought to imagine as I listened to the idea while staring at Mike, who was lying in a hospital bed – almost in a perfect flying Superman pose – wearing a bracelet that read “fall risk.”
Yes, Mike’s extravagant birthday surprises. If only.
Twenty years ago today, Michael even turned our rehearsal dinner – the night before our wedding day – into a “let’s-all-celebrate-Ami birthday party!” From before our wedding day, throughout our marriage, and even within his writings, Mike made a wholehearted commitment to me to “always protect your smile”… and he did so quite lavishly. I can honestly say that this man lived every day together on mission to protect my smile.
At the Jonatha Brooke songwriters’ retreat, she shared one of her unrecorded songs with all of us. Everyone there now knew my story and of the grief I was passing through, and once into her song, I could see her realize the words that she was singing and how they must be hitting my heart. She made it through with a few choked up phrases, and many were in a puddle of sniffles at the end of her performance. I sat in my seat frozen – listening, and thinking, “I’m not gonna lose it. I’m not gonna lose it. I’m not gonna fall apart in this circle.”
She used a specific word that Mike and I held special with each other; it was the word, ALWAYS. And as I listened to Jonatha sing her song, it was as if she had drawn this song straight from our hearts and poured it out into the still room. How she had overheard our exact conversations was simply beyond me!
Over the last 2-3 years, I have asked Mike many times, “What if tomorrow doesn’t last for always? I love you so much and I love you more every day. The years go by and my love becomes deeper, richer, better. I never want to be without you… You’re my Champion.”
He would smile his reassuring smile over me, and hold me in his big strong arms; and as any worrisome thoughts fell away, my mind would again fall in line with the “happy” rhythm of our lives.
Once Jonatha finished singing her song to us, I went up to thank her. She gripped my hands, saying, “Ami! This is YOUR song!”
So I started to ask her if I could record it, and her response was an emphatic, “YES! Please! You have to record this.”
This is a high honor to be singing a song written by a songwriting hero in my life — a song that tells our story from a place that is deep, wide, and yet so very simple. As if it were carefully crafted and created with our love story to tell.
I don’t need to add anything more. Her song says it all so well.
You can tell from our kids, from our shared moments through the years, from images, and from music…. that Mike was the protector of ALL of our HAPPY.
After his unreal passing, I felt for several months like I was living someone else’s life; I wondered how we would rediscover such profound joy. But, guess what? Because we lived together with moments overflowing this too much happiness… we are able to draw from that superabundance that we find in every memory. It’s well-deep within who we are, and bubbles up in who we are becoming. The “too much” was actually just enough, because now, it spills into every corner of our inside spaces. And joy brings with it strength. Oh how we need that!
So today… on my first birthday with Mike on the other side of this earthly life, I hold onto this “Happy Happiness Birthday,” knowing that somehow, Michael is still active in protecting my smile. I don’t have to go far to find it. My memory is full of the “too much,” and I like it that way.
Enjoy this beautiful song.
And thank you, Jonatha Brooke, for allowing me to share it.
Happiness…
Too much?
Always.
Full Song Lyrics
Too Much Happiness – Jonatha Brooke
I’m lost without you here – desperate when you’re far
Nothing even matters when I’m not where you are
It’s too much happiness, my love true
Too much happiness, too much happiness
And too little time with you
I swear my heart explodes each time that you’re near
I’m still weak in the knees when you whisper that you’re here
It’s too much happiness, my love true
Too much happiness
You say don’t worry, you say don’t fret
But I say I can’t get enough of you yet
You say tomorrow will come what may
But what if tomorrow doesn’t mean always?
Life’s too short for this much love
So I swear it on the stars
I’ll be here forever wherever you are
It’s too much happiness, it’s breaking my heart
Too much happiness, right from the start
Too much happiness, too much happiness
Too much happiness, and too little time
Too little time with you
Happy Happiness Birthday, my friend. I remember how my jaw dropped when I heard Jonatha sing these words. Here it is – your recording! An elaborate birthday surprise, indeed. Beautifully done.
Beautiful. Happy Birthday Ami! Wishing you so much happiness today.
Ami I remember the last time Mike spoke at Cre8. He was obviously in pain and paralysis. He was supposed to be resting but he loved his family and his church family too much to stay in his bedroom. He was so brave and humble at the same time. The Lord had laid something on his heart and he couldn’t stay quiet. He did that all the time he would push through whatever was going on to fight for his family, the best way that he knew how to. He would give us a challenging word of encouragement from the Lord. The thing I remember best about that day is that he came out of his bedroom and the first thing he did was walk over to you and put his hand on your shoulder as you were at the keyboard and gave you a kiss on the top of your head. And of course it made you smile. He wanted first to reassure you of his love and to let you know that it was going to be ok, then he addressed us. So he WAS ALWAYS protecting your smile. It was the most beautiful act of love. It brought me to tears. He gave you and us a gift that day he showed us what it looked like to love someone so completely. Mike poured himself out to so many. He had wisdom and understanding beyond his years. We all miss him so much. The things he taught us will last us a lifetime. But he poured himself out to the Shroyers 3 even more than that. His kids and you have a part of Mike that will live on always. When you have a decision to make or a deep hurt, or something wonderful happens, I believe that Mike poured into you the godly wisdom that you need for whatever comes your way. The Holy Spirit will enable you to recall and the Holy Spirit will give you the strength to follow Jesus with your whole heart and to fulfill the purpose that God created you each for, perfectly, always!!!!! Happy birthday Ami. I pray that your day is full of happiness and lots of smiles, and lots of Mike memories.
I cried when you originally posted this song almost a year ago . I loved it so much even then . Happy birthday Ami! I pray you continue to be filled with too much happiness throughout your Always .
Happy Birthday sweet lady! I hope it is filled with too much happiness. Again, we are enjoying your songs and hearing your love come alive in melody. Peace, LOVE, joy be with you all always!
I cannot imagine sharing a love such as you sing about. Written in the stars indeed! My life has been forever changed, and oh so much better for having walked this past years path with you.
The inspiration to rise above and love no matter what is now carved indelibly into the fabric of my life.
Thank you!!
Just beautiful Ami. Happy birthday.
Happy birthday to a woman who shows how to have “good grief”, still being a wonderful mom and awesome friend.
You are such an amazing storyteller, Ami. Thank you for including us all in your journey. xoxox
Happy Birthday, dear friend, love the song and you sing it beautifully. The kids wish you a happy birthday. Looking forward to hearing these songs each day. When we are weak He is strong. Hold on to that as you face today, tomorrow, and every day after.
Happy birthday Ami- continually praying for you and your family
Beautiful. As always.
I’ve loved Jonatha, since her days in The Story. Beautiful!
YOUR mike sounds like a fantastic human, i’m so sorry that he is not still here with you. 🙁
Happy Birthday, Ami. Another amazing song! I hope you have an amazing day celebrating your special day! I love you, sweet friend!
I am thankful that God gives us moments of “TOO MUCH HAPPINESS” 😉
Beautiful my dear friend!
So beautiful, Ami! Praying you feel too much happiness always!!! <3
What a beautiful song in memory of a precious soul. I hadn’t listened until now and am so moved.
Ami,
It is so lovely. I feel your emotion, joy, tenderness, heartbreak in every moment.
I’m honored you chose it. I hope it brings comfort and connection to all. And your bravery in that workshop is forever in my heart.
So much love to you and your beautiful family….
xoxoxo
Jonatha